Proactive Family Services

Many times, couples only view themselves as a “family” if they have children. When the children come along, then they are a “family”; but then life is so hectic, they don’t have time to develop a true Family Plan.

Unfortunately, many do not develop a Plan until they have separated and need to craft an agreement as to how they are going to co-parent from two households. They may spend thousands of dollars developing an agreement on how they are going to act as a “family”.

According to the American Heritage Dictionary, family is two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually (but not necessarily) in the same dwelling.

If you were starting a new business or trying to save a failing one, you would spend days, maybe weeks, working with your partner to craft a well thought-out Business Plan that would include your mission, company values, goals and objectives. There would be a timeline with benchmarks and objective ways to measure your progress. You would have one strategy for start-up and another for maintenance. You would allocate the necessary resources (time, energy and money) to implement the plan.

Why not give your family, the most important predictor of happiness and good health, the same effort?

Family Plan Development
We will work with you to design a Plan that embodies how you intend to live as a productive, supportive family. To do this, everyone will need to know:

• Your vision of a good family
• The family mission or motto
• The family guiding principles or values
• The family structure
• The family rules
• Your vision of a good family member
• The rights of family members
• The responsibilities of family members
• The role of each member of the family
• Short-term to long-term goals and a plan to achieve those goals
• Progress Monitoring
• Plan re-evaluation and periodic updates.

Children love being involved in this process. They learn the importance of family and of being a productive family member. With a Family Plan, not only does everyone belong, everyone contributes. When children see themselves as an asset, a part of something bigger than themselves, their self-esteem and self-management skills grow.

Life is so fast-paced today with increasing demands on parent’s resources. Constantly chasing your tail is expensive and draining. This process allows you to use your time, energy and money synergistically to maximize your return. While the destination is important, it is the journey that really makes a family great!

Interpersonal Safety Plan Development
“Abuse” has become a common household word in the last two decades, so much so that it is now used to describe many types of behaviors with varying degrees of maltreatment. When a behavior rises to the level of legal or social service intervention, those agencies should help you develop a plan for personal safety. However, when the concern is about an improper, aggressive or inappropriate behavior, where do you go for help?

Elizabeth (Betsy) Baker Gibbs, M.D. has worked with over ten thousand (10,000) individuals and families with concerns about child abuse, sexual assault and domestic violence. She has extensive experience with helping them develop plans for personal and family safety.

You will find a Safety Plan helpful if:

• You aren’t sure whether a particular behavior is abusive, inappropriate or just a different preference, but it makes you uncomfortable or concerned.
• You have not established clear, concrete “Hitting Rules” and “Touching Rules” for your family. This is especially important for co-parents and caregivers (grandparents, family members, friends or sitters).
• You are concerned that a family member or friend is not respecting the personal boundaries of you or someone in your family.
• You have been accused of abusive or inappropriate behavior and are now nervous about the physical contact that occurs naturally when parenting or care-giving. It is just as important to protect yourself from unwarranted accusations as it is to protect your child from being abused. Most of the time, the plan is the same for both.

Setting clear boundaries is important, but many people have simply never thought they had to. They assume that everyone has the same set of boundaries that they have. Aren’t they common knowledge? No, they are behaviors that are usually learned from their childhood experiences and not everyone has the same experiences.

We get asked many questions about boundaries:

• Is it okay to bathe with my child?
• Is it okay to sleep with my child?
• At what age should I stop undressing or dressing in front of a child?
• What about using the bathroom in front of my child?

Most of these concerns are personal preferences, making it all the more important to communicate to everyone what your preference is for your family. We can help you explore the feelings you have about behaviors, the effect different preferences have on children and, then, help you design a plan to clearly communicate what your expectations are for you and your children.

You will know your concern is warranted if, after agreeing not to, someone violates a boundary. Your plan will also guide you in making wise decisions when problems arise.

When it comes to personal safety planning, an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure!